Still no internet. The only problem with this is that I still have to go to the internet cafe every day to get stuff for classes, but once I get there I realize I forgot to bring the books for the day with me, and I have no idea what kind of stuff to get.
So I end up wasting time on facebook and youtube as I try to come up with activities.
But still, life goes on. Sometimes life goes on in a way that is somewhat to my liking.
Yesterday we had my favorite food for lunch: not soup. It had been about two weeks since Mogie had made "not soup" for lunch. I love everything about not soup: the way it smells, the way it tastes, and especially the way in which it doesn't feel like soup in your mouth.
Granted, this particular incarnation of not soup was tsoven, or steamed Mongolian noodles. I'm rather sick of tsoven too, but lunch is free, so what do I have to complain about?
I do have something that I'm going to complain about, though I'm not sure if I have the right to do so.
Last Sunday evening I was standing in one of the school offices, contemplatively bouncing an empty water cooler jug against my head. This activity may seem odd to some, but I had just come back from a day of sledding / socializing, and I was in the kind of mood where one contemplatively toys with empty water cooler jugs.
A church member came into the room, took a look at me, and remarked (in Mongolian and English) that I was a moron. The annoying thing was that she was serious in this statement; she wanted to make a sweeping judgment that I was, in all respects, a moron.
I can take a little of this kind of thing, but lately it has been coming from just about everyone. Everyone assumes that I have no knowledge of anything, no useful skills, and that I don't understand what they're saying (about 70% of the time I have a pretty good idea, and often I understand every word).
Any time I demonstrate knowledge of something they know, they are visibly surprised, and often laugh. Any time I demonstrate knowledge of something they don't know, they assume it is something they know which I have failed to explain accurately.
This is demonstrated by how everyone keeps on saying "horhee" to everything I say and do. This loosely translates to "awwww, how cute".
It's downright painful, and has started to piss me off.
When the random church member called me an idiot, I lost it. I lost it in a "I'll prove you wrong" kind of way, which never really works. I told her I wasn't an idiot, explained the term "I.Q" (apparently Mongolians use a different abbreviation), and told her my I.Q.
Predictably, this did not convince her that I wasn't an idiot. Instead it confirmed her opinion that I was an idiot, and also strengthened her opinion that I was arrogant and thought Americans were better than Mongolians.
The next day one of the school workers saw me struggling to install a printer. "Why don't you understand it?" she asked. "It's in English, what about your I.Q.?"
No, she wasn't there when I said it.
Apparently there has been some kind of chatter going around that I am racist, that I think all Mongolians are ignorant, and that I have made statements to that effect. I say "going around" because three people have told me they heard it from someone. This rumor hurts me. I love Mongolians, and most aspects of Mongolian culture. As far as I know, I have never said anything that even hints I might dislike Mongolians. People might have noticed I was sad and antisocial a lot last month, but if they had bothered to ask me I would have told them it was a winter thing, not a hatred of all things Mongolian. Without a doubt, I DO think that many Mongolians are somewhat naive when it comes to knowing how the rest of the world works, but this is because their country has only been open to the rest of the world for 15 years or so, and some of their basic assumptions about it have yet to change. I do not believe they are any more naive than other people on a similar situation would be, or that they have tried to avoid knowledge.
After witnessing it in four cultures / subcultures, I have come to the conclusion that bigotry is a basic characteristic of humanity. All groups of people believe that their group is superior to other groups in all the areas that matter. If another group is quantifiably superior to theirs in some area, it must (logically) be an area that doesn't matter, so they therefore have nothing to learn.
I suppose, however, that the very fact I even care only says two things about me: that I myself harbor similar feelings, and that I'm insecure.
I would like to be thought of as good at things. Not all things, just some things. In most places where I have gone (Massachusetts being a notable exception), a lot of people have been patronising. In Maine it was because I wasn't a republican (and must therefore be an ignorant heathen reprobate), at Southern it was because my parents weren't rich... and I wasn't republican (so I must be an ignorant heathen reprobate with bad clothes). In Mongolia it's because I'm not Mongolian, so I must (obviously) be rich, stupid, and listen to hip-hop music.
I am incredibly sensitive to criticism, and I have yet to find a way to deal with it. Any advice on how I might do so? Comments please.
And thank you for noticing the ads. I like money.
Aaaaaand a small note: this blog has passed 1000 hits. Yay!
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1 comment:
Well, as one who as been at the receiving end more times than I can think of and count of rumors, use them to make you stronger. As cliche as it may sound, its true. Yes, at the moment it absolutely sucks. But in the long run, if you work off of it, have it make you stronger - you'll be a better person for it. Keep in mind your ultimate reason for being there, and focus on that. People will always have something to say about you, and/or what you are doing. Its just part of the human character (unfortunately). And if all else fails, you won't be there forever, yes?
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