Answer to prayer

Hey! no more kimchee stains on my notebook! Apparently kimchee stains only soak through two pages. Take note.
Yesterday something happened to me which has never happened before.

Ever.

I learned that I was stuck in Korea till at least Thursday. I then learned that the ONLY other teacher at the school (who got there two weeks before I will and is a college student) is my boss, and gets paid more than I do. Of course they didn't tell me the second part, but I read it in the policy manual. Last, I learned that I have to negotiate the subway and find the Mongolian embassy on my own instead of having someone take me there.

All this was enough to trigger a neurochemical crash that was completely disproportional to the trigger: trouble focusing my thoughts, anxiety so strong I could feel my skin tingling, a weight of depression like a grizzly bear parked on my shoulders.

That part has happened before. Actually, it happens enough so that I'm annoyed by it more than anything else, because it makes it hard to function normally. I responded by praying for God to help me, and show me something I needed to know. I then opened my Bible to a random place. It opened to the crucifixion, an odd place perhaps, but odder things have proven to be exactly what I needed to read. I read about the crucifixion and resurrection, and the importance of the whole plan of salvation helped put my life in perspective and remind me of my goals.

That part has happened before too. Though I may not always turn to God when I have a crash, I certainly do it more often than not. Usually it encourages me and reminds me of how much God cares for me, but the underlying problem remains. A neurochemical crash is a lack of energy, a lack of the ability to feel some way other than depressed and scared. It usually takes me two or three days to get back to normal.

This time, as soon as I finished reading I felt dead tired. I didn't bother going to bed, I just took my glasses off my face, put my head down and fell asleep with my glasses still in my hand.

That's weird enough. Usually I find it very hard to sleep when I'm anxious. However, it does happen occasionally. Usually I wake up feeling groggy and numb, with a faceless anxiety staring in my face as my thoughts reorganize.

This time, however, it was different. I woke up, started making supper, and slowly realized I was fine! I had energy; there was no throbbing pain of anxiety in the back of my mind. My problems were still there, but they weren't problems any more. I was excited about the idea of finding my way through Seoul! I didn't care that the other teacher was my boss. I stink at organizing things anyway, and if he was scheduling classes and planning events it would give me more free time.

THAT has never happened before, ever. It's especially odd considering the fact that the problems were still there. It was like shooting myself in the leg with a nail gun, falling asleep with the nail still in my leg, and waking up to find the nail gone, with unbroken skin where it had gone in. It simply doesn't work that way.

I've been praying lately, asking God to help me with my anxiety and depression. Now I know He has, and will. Now more than ever I know God will be with me through this year of missions.